overheard in providence

After a solid century of corn-inspired confectionary, the marketing masterminds behind the world’s most artificial vegetable, candy corn, have finally noticed that there’s nothing particularly Halloween-related about their product*. As such, my own mother snagged the last bag of red and pink (yes, you heard right, RED and PINK!!!) candy corn at Varsono’s Chocolates in the the west village. Admittedly, this Valentine’s Day inspired change in hue doesn’t do much to foster the candy’s already tenuous visual association with corn, but on the plus side, it’s robust corn syrup induced flavor profile still shines through (how DID they do it!?).

Now that candy corn finds itself untethered from the confines of the fall, I’m anxiously anticipating its additional holiday appearances. Easter seems like a natural choice, but I’d also like to throw my weight behind St. Patrick’s day, and Flag Day. The nice thing about flag-themed candy corn is that the supply would naturally spill over into Independence Day, after which we could unload any additional unused candy on the French for Bastille Day.

The larger issue, of course, is our pressing need to identify other seasonal commodities that can be repurposed and enjoyed year-round? Fireworks are a fine way to celebrate the 4th of July, but surely they’d spice up Veteran’s Day as well? Why the heck are we only producing gingerbread houses around Christmas? I for one would be delighted to consume a gingerbread log cabins on Lincoln’s birthday. For that matter, why even limit our gingerbread constructions to houses, gingerbread boats would be a perfect fit for Columbus Day! All I’m saying is that if we put a little bit more thought into all this, we could be getting a lot more bang for our buck out of the many fine holiday products already in production. I look forward to reading your suggestions in the comments.

*I realize that corn is harvested in the fall, and Halloween takes place in the fall, but that sort of reasoning would be much appropriate for a Thanksgiving tie-in. As far as I can reason, the only meaningful connection between Halloween and bags of fang-shapped candy corns is that the latter enable otherwise uncostumed children to place said candies on their teeth and pretend to be vampires. This in turn extends the magic of Halloween well into November. Of course, these days, with the resurgence of the sexy vampire, the candy’s transition to Valentine’s Day couldn’t be more natural.